My favorite superpower

The one thing that I wish I could do more than anything would be setting people on fire with my cynicism. I would use it to fight dumb people who ask questions instead of just reading the sign in front of them. Many a person would fall to my wit and stinging bite. and then burst into flame. Think of it, I could get people so angry and worked up and just when they started to get red in the face id say “Hey you should calm down before you catch on fire.” And then BOOM set on fire.

 People who don’t know how to write out a bank deposit form. Set on fire. People who play the same song over and over. Set on fire. Kids who curse more than I do. Set on fire. People from Brazil. Set on fire. The country of Brazil. Set on fire. People who don’t come to my lane when I wave them over. Set on fire-twice. Anyone driving a RV larger than their house. Set on fire. People who think curling is a sport. Set on fire. LARPers. Set on fire. LARPers who don’t know the difference between their games and the real world. Set on fire. Guys who put sub woofers in their cars without bolting down their plates or get their windows sealed better.

 This is just a small list of people who I would really like to set on fire. And each and everyone one of them I would do it with cynicism and sarcasm. Both of those by the way are the greatest things ever given to us. But enough about superpowers

 Let me tell you about this guy that I had to deal with at work today. This seems like a simple enough concept about the over flow lane that I worked at today. It’s a single lane road, where the cars come up from one way and go into the parking lot another. A guy comes up in a blue import SUV, Toyota I think but it really doesn’t matter, and asks me how to get back around to lanes one and two, the main parking lanes. I tell him from where he is at now he cannot get to them as it is a safety issue and we cant see any cars coming from down below. He tells me that he needs to get back over there to pick up his mom and why cant he just go that way back up the hill.

 Here is where I made a simple mistake that was corrected in a sentence. I thought he meant going up the coned off areas which leads right into a dead end. What he meant was going down the one way road to the spot where the cars come up which I had just explained to him was dangerous and he could hit a car and I would be forced to point and laugh before calling for the rangers and medic. This guy gets pissed. And not just regular pissed. This guy got completely red clenched teeth and forehead. His knuckles gripped his damn wheel like he was trying to choke it then just yells out “FUCK!” and goes speeding down this one way road. Luckily he didn’t hit any of my cones so I didn’t have to go and put them back up. Unfortunately though he didn’t hit any one else going down which means that I didnt get my show.

 I wrote down his licence plate and a description of car and called the rangers up. They tracked him down before he got back into the park and now he is banned for life for endangering the guests.not the best way that, that could have ended, but it worked. Right after he left though the VOA (I don’t remember what it stands for. Visitor something.) came up the hill asking me who the fuck that was. I explained to him and just as I finished i thought to myself, FUCK I should have radioed this guy and told him to close the huge steel gates that would normally block this section from the rest when we don’t need it. If I would have gotten that message down quick enough his car would have been smashed in and since we were closing anyways I would have gotten off Scott free of any responsibility as I warned him about it already.